Friday, October 15, 2010

Adventures in Science

So my roommate Kerri is a genius. She's a PDBio major and is ridiculously good at science and math.

Today she had to drop something off to her food science professor, and I went with her because I had nothing better to do. (And she had to use my ID card to print said paper.)

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"The Eyring Science Center," she replied.

I've been on campus for two months now, and I don't think I've even come close to going into every single building. However, there are some buildings that I hoped never to have to enter. Ever. These are the science and math buildings.

Kerri walked in with great ease, but I immediately tensed up. I don't belong in left-brain settings. It's like putting a lump of tofu in the middle of a bunch of hungry vegans: bad news bears.

To try to make me more comfortable, Kerri led me around to some cool displays they had, kind of like a parent leading their child gently into shark-infested waters. There was one where you could feel the weight difference between lead and nylon. You couldn't even lift the neuron star one cos it was glued down. I was bitter. She pointed out that it was funny because neuron stars are uber dense.

I hate science jokes.

And then she had me stand on two little yellow feet painted on the floor in front of a display. Everything about it screamed "SCIENCE TRAP!"

[Science trap (n)- an exhibit in a scientific setting that is designed to expressly make the everyday person look like a total goob.]

There was a pedestal in front of me that appeared to have a dollar bill behind a lightbulb. Trap. There was also a huge concave mirror not three feet away from that. Trap. Kerri told me to walk forward and try to grab the dollar. TRAP.

I didn't fall for it.

But it got me thinking; if sciency and mathy people really wanted to embarrass all their mentally inferior peers into never coming into a building again, why not screen IQs at the door?

[Begin scene: KERRI and BECCA are again walking into the ESC:
there is a contraption that looks vaguely like a metal detector flanking the door]

KERRI: (walks through the door)
KERRI: Come on, Becca.
BECCA: (hesitating) I dunno, K-sho. This looks spurious at best.
KERRI: (rolls eyes)
BECCA: All right.... (walks through door)
MACHINE: BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! Security breach! Someone with an IQ less than 100 has entered the building! Security! Security!
BECCA: (sulking) I told you so.

[Scene closes on BECCA being escorted out of the building by a robocop.]

Although the robocop part is pretty cool, I'd better make sure this idea never falls into the hands of any Brains. They can keep inventing ways to make gas cheaper.


Brandon said...

Yeah right, IQ under 100? Lulz.

The Village of Randomity said...

Cindy read that with me and she was like, 'Science is soo cool!!' Becca, I'm right there with you, or I would be if you were actually dumb and the smartest kid in the family-sorry Sethy.