Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Who am I?

There's this poem I read called "The Invitation" which basically challenges the reader to really think about who they are. Without all their stuff. Without their so-called accomplishments. Without the people they hang out with. Without all the frippery the world uses to define you.

It was a frightening thought.

I wasn't in the best of moods when I came home from work, so I downed some food and planned on sulking on the computer, but then I realized that it was raining. I love the rain. So I decided that I'd go for a walk to one of my favorite places. It was during that time I figured out who I am, stripped down to the bones.

I talk to myself and have jolly conversations. I talk to birds, cows, and any other wildlife that happen to be in the area, and I enjoy it thoroughly.

I laugh because I'm soaked to my knees from walking in the wild wet grass, and I lift my face to be kissed by the descending drops.

I notice small things; trees are blossoming in pinks and whites, there's an unusually beautiful pebble lying on the ground, the drizzly pavement makes elegant reflecting puddles for the streetlights.

I mourn the nearly-empty canal.

I found out who I am while I was standing in the middle of a forgotten field:

I'm me.

I don't need the meds, I don't have to deal with the drama, I don't need to waste my time worrying what other people think about me.

I'm satisfied with merely being.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Compliment of the century

Dear Blog,

I realize I haven't hung out with you for a while. I also realize that it's been even longer since I used you to post anything actually worth reading. *shuffles feet* What I'm trying to say is... I'm sorry. I wish I could say that things will get better from here on out, but I just don't know.

...

No, please don't cry! It's not you! It's me! It's me! I'll change; I swear I will!

Yours most sincerely, affectionately, and devotedly,

Modern Jo March

***

I'm sorry you guys had to see that. My blog and I are going through a rough patch; we'll be okay, though, once my creative juices start flowing. Granted, that could be a very long period of time, but we'll make it.

...

Man, I wrote all that in the hopes that my brain would suddenly light up with ideas, but not so. Dang. Oh, well. I'll just type one story and then go mop the floor.

Last night when I was hanging out with Jaimi (we were on our way to go Peep a guy's car; Korinne, I couldn't stop! I have an illness!), she gave me the compliment of the century.

"Becca," she said, "I'm glad you're too sensible to have a boyfriend."

Needless to say, I laughed. Hard. Jaimi got all worried, thinking she'd said something wrong, but after my tears of mirth had stopped flowing, I said,

"Jaimi, coming from you, that is the ultimate compliment. Thank you."

Come to think of it, I can't explain exactly why I found it so funny; it just was. It was so totally opposite of everything society teaches teenage girls.

*grins* Awesome.