Sunday, October 12, 2008

How to be Less Intimidating

Although the title makes this post sound like a "How-To" post, it's not really. It's actually a curious request for advice.

So I've been of dating age for a year, a week, and two days now, and not once have I been asked on a date. Maybe it's because I'm unattractive, but everyone tells me it's because all the guys I know are intimidated by me.

Which is stupid because most of the guys I know are pretty cool, and I wouldn't turn them down if they asked. I wouldn't want to date them steadily, but a fun date once in a while would be socially healthy.

What should I do? Should I ask them out? I mean, I'm all for the whole feminist "girls can ask guys out" thing, but I want to be the one who's asked at least once. Is there a way to seem more approachable without dumbing myself down or dressing like a floozy? Or do I just have to wait for someone (select few know who I'm talking about, if indeed I am referring to someone specific) to get brave enough to ask? I don't want to appear desperate, but subtlety is not working so well.

Ayudame, por favor.


Brooke said...

Here's another thing. You turned 16 at the beginning of your Sophomore year. A lot of guys and girls turn 16 at the end of it, and so they are just starting to date their Junior year. You might see more dating happening this year. And are you in a group that hangs out with guys? This makes a person much less intimidating if they have hung out with you frequently, they get to know you and know how fun and awesome you are, and they feel much more comfortable asking you on a date. I think you're fabulous and beautiful and everything, so I don't see any reason you haven't been asked out on a date yet. BUT I also don't see any problem with asking guys out on dates either. The end.

Anna said...

I doubt I would have dated much in high school if I didn't hang out in a group that was 2/3 boys.

In college I dated very little. Like a couple times a semester if I was lucky.

My advice is this. Boys need help. They are wimpy. Especially when they have no practice (see: boys who just turned 16). You can help them by A)suggesting activities to do together. One day when you are talking about how much you both love hiking you say "Hey we should go hiking together sometime" B)Flirt. It makes boys feel good to be flirted with. And high school is the only time in your life when boys will be pre-mish (okay maybe 1st year of college too) and thus it is completely non-committal. After that it gets onto "oh she must want to marry me because she flirted with me" stage, which bites. Enjoy the non-committal flirtiness of high school. C) get a group of friends composed of nerdy boys who are scared of girls and a few other girls who you hang out with every weekend and then the boys will be too scared to ask anyone but you and the other girls -- that and/or they'll realize how awesome you are because they hang with you so much.

That's all. In general don't worry about the dating. Seriously. Just have fun.