Thursday, October 30, 2008


Today I made the most important discovery of my life.


I am NOT joking.

Most Important Discovery EVER:


There is no Hell. There is only an eternal math class.

The discovery happened during Calculus (surprise surprise) and went a little something like this:

Calculus teacher: All right, today we're going to tackle the revenue formula, learn why completing the square works, and fight our way through a bunch of matrices.

Me: *blinks*

Calculus teacher: *throws out formulas faster than most people can inhale a piece of cake*

Me: *squints at the board*

Formulas: *make whistling noises as they generously clear the top of my head*

Calculus teacher: Any questions?

My brain: *catches fire, therefore rendering its owner incapable of asking what time it was, much less what had just happened on the board*

Kid who can actually keep up with this dizzying barrage: Yeah. How can we calculate the maximum worth of NBA players?

Calculus teacher: Excellent question! Well, if you take the....*begins pulling numbers out of the air like Cinderella's godmother*

Me: *regaining a few braincells* I think I'll draw an eyeball in the margin of the notes I'm not taking.

Calculus teacher: ...and then you square the revenue, then divide by negative infinity...

Me: *looks up at the board; it is covered in scary-looking numbers* Mmhmm. Negative infinity. Got it.

Calculus teacher: ...and voila! NBA players are paid more than firefighters, policemen, and other civil servants who actually work for a living COMBINED.

Me: You needed a stupid math problem to figure that out?

Okay, so it didn't actually go down like that; the real version was much more boring and involved me losing consciousness for minutes at a time, only to wake to find that we were still on the same Satanic problem. Anyway, the moral is still the same: Math = my own personal hell.


Brooke said...

I didn't know math was the bane of your existence? Or is that only your little brothers, and math is slightly better?

Cindy Lou said...

Very funny Becca! You should be a writer:)

Amy said...

Ya know what's even worse? When people with an "A" in the class argue with the teacher over a problem they don't need to get correct anyway. Or they "smart ones" go off in a tangent while the normal people could use some help in the actual subject.

Becky said...

I feel your pain. I had calc when I was a junior and suddenly felt like the teacher was speaking an alien language. Good luck!