Sunday, September 28, 2008

Musings during a Primary Program

Today we had our Annual Primary Program during Sacrament Meeting. For all those of you who don't know what a Primary Program is, it's when all the children under 12 in the congregation get up and share a spiel about the gospel. Children are said to be wise beyond their years, but mostly I just think they're hilarious. Here are some notes I took during the duration of forty-five minutes.

- "I (unintelligible) destiny." I'm not sure what this kid was saying, and I'm not entirely sure that destiny is part of church doctrine.

- "I incepted Hebenly Fadder's plan."

- After the three and four year olds got done with their bit, they went to sit down. Almost immediately a brawl began. "Hey, that's MY chair!" Howling and crying ensued. The toddlers involved remained upset during the whole program.

- While singing the song "Called to Serve" one little girl decided right then and there to bust out a solo. She grabbed the nearest mike (which wasn't on) and started singing until her teacher pulled her back.

- Micah, it seemed, had created interpretive dances for each one of the songs. He was highly entertaining to watch.

- The part with the most s's inevitably went to one of the only kids with a lisp. "Jethuth Chritht ith my Thavior and the Thavior of all mankind."

- My rebellious brother Josh has apparently taken up ventriloquism. He would barely move his lips, and yet sound would come out. (Sort of. He's not so good at the whole projecting part of singing yet.)

- The bishop's daughter started experimenting with the organ until he turned around and gave her "the eyebrow." This happened fairly fast; she only had time to press one key.

- I love when tall kids insist on standing on the topmost step of the step stool and they're sticking out three feet above the podium.

- I also love that some younger kids are clearer and more intelligible than the "cool" older kids. Example: A group of eight year olds quoted a scripture in the Doctrine and Covenants, which I could understand perfectly. I couldn't even tell what scripture the 11 year olds quoted. It sounded like "Mumble jumble wumble Lakers mumble grumble."

- The aformentioned Josh, when he got up to share his testimony, not-so subtly pointed out that he had actually turned 12 two days before and that he wasn't even supposed to be up there. Bless his heart.

I feel kind of bad, actually. I took more notes this Sunday than I've probably taken six months. Hopefully this is reawakening of a good habit. And if not, at least these funny childish acts have been immortalized. Who knows? Maybe that lisper will end up a famous orator or apostle. Maybe that mike-grabbing girl is the next Gladys Knight. You never know.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The Cast List

Okay, okay, okay, okay. I'm getting down to it and posting. (Steph, it was your nudge that motivated me; I wasn't actually going to blog tonight.)

I didn't get the lead. But you know what? That's okay with me. I still have one more year at Paradigm. One more shot at the lead. At least I have a character with lines and a name.

I'm Mrs. Bixby, the shopkeeper's wife. As far as I know, I'm more "ensemble" than "supporting lead," but hey. I'm down with whatever I'm given. I trust Mr. Macy and Mrs. Steinmann's decision.

At least I am now. After seeing the cast list and seeing that I got the part I wanted the very least (she doesn't even sing; kind of a waste in my eyes), I had to take a time out. A literal time out.

You know, the kind that little children have to have when they're cranky and upset and doing/on the verge of doing dangerous things.

I turned to Jaimi (who has been my support system all week long) and said, "Hi. Will you sluff your next class and come sit in the Green Vomit with me?"

"Biology? Heck yes. Let's go."

So we sat in my car for an hour (Mr. Andrews even saw us and let us be), and I cried and pouted and Jaimi was just generally my voice of reason. If I hadn't taken that time-out, I would've thrown a diva fit and dropped the play altogether. But I took a step back and realized how fortunate I was to get a named character. If I hadn't been expecting the lead, I would've been ecstatic. So why should that change?

And Amy reminded me of when we saw "Cinderella" at Tuhacan and how we hated the lead, and how her stepsisters made us bust our spleens. So I've decided to be the ensemble character who steals the show. *mischevious smile*

Jo March is making her way up into the world. Look out, Broadway! I'm going to be the BEST MRS. BIXBY THIS WORLD HAS EVER SEEN. Ding!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Crazy Monday

So, today pretty much sucked up the wazoo. Not really badly, but enough that after Spanish 3 (my first class of the day) I went up to Jaimi and told her that I wanted to run away and join the circus because my life would never amount to anything. She managed to soothe me to the point that I agreed to face Calculus, and after that, the day wasn't as bad as it could've been.

Although, I was at work and a man dropped off EIGHTY FIVE shirts. They were dress shirts and all of them were still packaged and buttoned. Uck. He dropped it off about 45 minutes before we closed, and we were still tagging them 20 minutes after closing. I wanted to kill myself.

To blow off steam, I started talking. Anyone who knows me knows that I could talk the eyeballs out of a blind fish (whatever the heck that's supposed to mean) when I get in the mood. I thought of all the things I'd like to do to this guy when he picked up his shirts.

And somewhere in there, I started singing. I'm pretty sure my co-worker thought I was certifiably crazy, but whatever. I starting singing about how much I hated the shirts, and she said I should write a musical.

"No," I said after some consideration. "And even if there WAS a musical about dry cleaning, I wouldn't be in it. It would be like asking a concentration camp survivor to be in a play about the Nazis. Welcome to Bad Ideaville, USA."

I'm not sure why that was so funny at the time, but a lot of unfunny things have been hysterical to me lately. It's a sure sign that I'm becoming unhinged.

The cast list is going to be posted mid-morning tomorrow. This may be the staple to my sanity. :D But no sweat, right?

Sunday, September 21, 2008

From Hilary to Behuthis

(That title actually sounds like a pretty interesting book/movie title. I want everyone's ideas on what it would be about. You, too, blog stalkers.)

After reading my friend Sarah's blog (the chica is a literary genius), this post is going to seem so shallow and dumb, but I'm posting it anyway.

First off, happy seventeenth birthday to Hilary! I'm not sure if she reads my blog at all; however, I am wishing her most happy returns anyway. She is one of the only people who can keep up with my world famous mood swings. Hilary is also the reigning champion of effectively comforting me when I'm crying my eyeballs out. And she's got possibly the most gorgeous voice I've ever heard AND she's a kick-buttocks actress. Hilary, you're the pants. I wish I had a decent picture of the two of us to post here, but alas; 'tis not so.

One of my favorite Hilary memories is the one where we were walking home from Gardner Village or the cemetery and she got a blister... I'd say more if I was sure she wouldn't kill me in my bed for it. *mischievous grin*

This next sequence might be funny to some of you, and it might not be. Although I thought it was hilarious, I've been known snort uproariously at things such as the "p" being burnt out of the "pharmacy" sign.

Anyway, Micah tried to write his first and last name today and left his results lying around on the table. (I was going to post the actual paper, but blogger's not feeling like letting me upload it.)

I walked by it on my way through the kitchen, and I stopped to squint at it for a minute.

"Micah Behuthis? Who on earth is that? Behruhes?"

My mom immediately jumped to Micah's defense.

"It says 'Micah Barrus.' He's still working on his writing skills."

I'll say. During church today I had him trace letters on my back, and I couldn't tell a Q from an A. (Okay, so he did it correctly on the back of the "Behuthis" page; but still.)

That's all. I really stink at conclusions. The thought for this week is "Everyone is Different."

Friday, September 19, 2008

Another Audition

At the command of my older brother, I'm blogging about my audition/callback experience for Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.

Despite my previous, ignorant hatred of the show, I decided to audition. I mean, it's not like I'm going to get any other chances any time soon, right? So I went and sang "Forget about the Boy" for Mrs. Steinmann and Mr. Macy (both amazing individuals).

I should explain that at auditions I either completely suck up the floor or totally rock. I totally rocked, if I may be so humble. Mr. Macy even told so me afterward. :) I rocked the high notes that I usually can't hit decently. Adrenaline pulsed through my body and added emotion I didn't even knew I had.

It was a good audition.

I got callbacks, as you can obviously tell from the top paragraph, and I went today from 3 to 5:30. I don't want to give my honest opinion so I don't jinx myself, but let's just say that I feel very very very very very good about my whole performance (especially in regard to some of the others). But that's all I'm going to say about that.

Anyway, I'm over my hatred of the show. As I've learned more about it, it's become more and more palatable to me. Especially since Milly has to civilize six brutes. I mean, hey, I do that every day with my little savage brothers!

The cast list is going to be posted on Tuesday. I'll letcha know what happens.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Friend hierarchy

I use Facebook (the online social network) because it's a way to keep up with my friends that doesn't result in being cyber-preyed. (I read a scary book on cyber predators the other day; Sheep's_Clothing. It gave me nightmares.) However, the term "friend" is loosely defined on Facebook. It's pretty much anyone you know or know through somebody.

For example, I have ninety-one friends on Facebook, but I'd only count twenty-two of them as my real friends. Of the seventy left, I only really really know twenty (likes/dislikes, hobbies, family). The rest are people I know vaguely (brother-in-law's sister, sister-in-law's cousin, random people from school, friend's brother, etc).

In my opinion, there should be a way to differentiate between true friends and random people I would never hang out with. Instead of just a "friend" status, there should be "schoolmate," "vague acqaintance," "acquaintance," "cousin," "friend," and "close friend." There should probably be a "sibling" status, too, in case you aren't friends with your siblings, unlike myself. (Well, except for Josh, but he's on there illegally anyway; the moron changed his birthday so now it says he's 18. Liar!)

Or maybe even a "lackey" status. I have a few of those on Facebook...

Yeah, that's pretty much it. If I don't write for a while, it's because I'm completely engrossed in my schoolwork. Huzzah! I'm so excited for this year. I'll probably drop dead halfway through it, but it will be worth it. I've decided to get a five on the AP Calculus test if it kills me. There is no way I'm EVER taking math during college if I don't have to.

Monday, September 8, 2008


Before I start blogging about my first day back at Paradigm, I've got to set aside a few paragraphs for my little brother, Micah.

Today Micah is turning five years old! It's insane. It seems like just yesterday that he was a little obnoxious red-headed baby with a wheat allergy. Now he thinks I'M obnoxious and can eat whatever he dang well pleases. What would I do without him?

Like this morning, for instance. I was up along with everyone else for the first time since June, and my mum was talking to Micah about what birthday cereal he wanted.

"I want Raisin Bran!" (we never have to buy the stuff; no one but my dad and Micah eats it and we have several boxes in the basement)

Ew. Josh tried to tell Micah to get Crunch Berries or something, but Micah was staunch. He wanted Raisin Bran! What a character.

Yesterday we went to Temple Square on a family outing. Micah was playing the role of tour guide very well, despite the fact that he made up everything as he went. We were in the South visitors' center; the one with the big window with a view of the Salt Lake Temple.

In his tour guide voice, Micah pointed at the temple and said, "There was this one time where I was a good guy and the bad guys were in there and they were making fun of me, of course."

My mum and I exchanged amused glances.

"Micah, what building is that?"

"The great and spacious building." (from Lehi's dream)

Bless his little heart.

Happy Birthday, Crazypants!

Now for Paradigm. MAN I love that place! Seeing all my friends and the mentors and the not-even-half-finished made my heart swell with love. (look, I already know I'm a nerd; if you didn't you've missed the last 65 posts) Even though I didn't have any actual classes, it was still the pants. Ms. Hanson pulled some strings and now I'm in her mentor class! She's possibly the coolest teacher at Paradigm (which is saying something because all the mentors at Paradigm are all really cool).

I'm ready to learn!

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Mamma Mi-diocre

There's this song on "Forbidden Broadway: Special Victims' Unit" called "Mamma Mi-diocre." Like all Forbidden Broadway songs, it's spot-on and hilarious.

(I've been trying to find a way to post it on my blog for about two hours now.)

Anyways, that's not the point. The reason Forbidden Broadway is so funny is that they either hit the truth right on the head, or they exaggerate it. The sort of stuff they say about "Mamma Mia" is that it's fantastic, but only compared to the dreck B'way has been cranking out lately.

I didn't really take this into account when Danika called up Thursday night and asked if I wanted to come see it. After all, FB mocks "Thoroughly Modern Millie" and says it didn't deserve to win the Tony for best musical. They could be wrong about "Mamma Mia," too, I thought. Plus, it's ABBA music! You can't go wrong, right?


Terribly, terribly wrong.

It wasn't until 2 hours and &7.75 later that I fully realized this, though. "Mamma Mia" was tasteless and had possibly the worst plot I've ever had the misfortune to meet. There were a few (very few) funny lines, but musical lovers cannot live on humor alone.

You know that friend that everyone has who hates musicals because it's so unrealistic that people would break out into song like that? Well, that friend would be justified by "Mamma Mia." Rather than the traditional style where the songs are written for the musical, "Mamma Mia" was written around the ABBA songs. So each song was an awkward leap into the abyss. *shudder* It was good music with some pretty good vocals, but it just didn't make sense.

Also, too many innuendos and too much talk about sleeping around. The romantic relationships were woefully underdeveloped. Donna (Meryl Streep) and the Dynamos were obnoxiously juvenile. And couldn't they have at least dubbed Pierce Brosnan's voice? If dubbing is good enough for Audrey Hepburn (the queen of the screen), it's dang well good enough for James Bond.

If you want to rock out to some ABBA songs, go buy their CD. "Mamma Mia" is not worth your time or consideration. Period.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The Slurpee Adventure

Yesterday was not so great. I mean, it was okay up until the whole work thing.

Today was almost the exact same; I woke up, did nothing productive, went to WJHS during lunch, came home, did nothing productive, then went to work.

Except today I went on The Slurpee Adventure! Dun duh da dun!

Actually, I was going to go on The Slurpee Adventure with Korinne yesterday, but I couldn't find her until lunchtime was almost over, so it was postponed until today.

As soon as I met Korinne by her locker, she said, "Becca, I drew you a picture! I did it in physics when I was bored."

There are some things I should probably explain:

1) The Green Vomit- The Green Vomit is my car, and was, sadly, being used by my older sister. We had to drive my big 15 passenger grey and white van. Just the two of us. It was awesome.

2) "I <3 School!"- Korinne likes to make fun of the fact that I love learning/school. One time she even said, "I'm Becca! I love learning! It's better than Disneyland!" (which is kinda true, actually...)

Anyway, I had to do some fancy driving and wrong-turning in order to maneuver the bus to the nearest 7-11. When we finally got there, apparently it's this hang-out for the Shady Creeps' Gang. Seriously. The only people there were shady gangsters. It was great.

And then--get this--Korinne was only going to do ONE flavor of Slurpee! Holy cow! Who does that? She said, "I think I'll get the pina colada..." and I said, "What now? Oh, yeah. You're my one-Slurpee-flavor friend. Weirdo. It's all about layering!" Then, in an act of supreme courage, she put all the flavors in her Slurpee.

I've never been so proud in my life.

So, I took her back to school for her fun half of the day, and I was left with a little life-saver to hold onto when that jerk-face swore at me during work. I hope he's grateful; he was one Slurpee and a Korinne-hug away from being repeatedly stabbed in the jugular with a hanger.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

A Jonah Day

Whoosh. Do you ever have one of those days where you could literally kill every annoying/inconvenient/stupid person you encounter? Anne Shirley calls those days "Jonah days."

I call them "I want to kill every annoying/inconvenient/stupid person who has the misfourtune to cross my path" days. (or IWtKEAISPwhtMtCmP for short)

Usually it's just my little brothers. They have this innate ability to get juuuust under my skin without actually breaking any house rules. Thus, when I punch them for being annoying, I'm the one who gets busted.

But today it was nearly every customer who darkened our door. Okay, that's not true. It's time to be rational, Becca. It was just the ones who dropped off more than 5 items of clothing. And the morons who had the audacity to come drop off 16 items of clothing 15 minutes before closing.

I'm usually okay with those morons, but when they all get together and decide that they're all gonna visit within minutes of each other, that's when I think it's about time to bust out the spike strips.

*sighs* I need a way to get rid of all of this irrational anger. Any suggestions?

PS- Is it technically lying when people ask you how you're doing and you say "good," even when you'd like to slit their tires?