Saturday, June 21, 2008

Indiana Jones and the Undue Popularity

Everyone knows Indiana Jones. Even if you haven't seen the movies, who doesn't think of him when they see a whip or a brown fedora? And isn't the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland one of everyone's favorites? (besides Pirates, but I'll get to that in a minute)

I've never really understood the whole fascination with Indiana. Maybe that's because I've only seen the first movie. So last night when my sister suggested that we watch "The Last Crusade," my reaction was, "Meh. Okay. Let's do it."

I still do not understand Indiana's popularity. The filmmakers rely too heavily on big exploding action sequences rather than actual plot. The plot is as follows; Indiana Jones is looking for the Holy Grail. Lots of things blow up, and he hooks up with a hot Austrian-Nazi chick. Nazi chick betrays him. He follows the Nazis into the desert. Lots of things blow up. They go into a random cliff-temple thing. Indiana Jones finds the Holy Grail. The bad guy dies. The Grail is lost to the world, and so is the Nazi chick. Things blow up.

Yeah, that's pretty much it. I guess I'm too much of a girl to appreciate the action sequences. I almost fell asleep during the dog fight between Indiana and the Nazis after he escapes from the zeppelin. I'm not a huge fan of hit-you-over-the-head action; I like suspense, like in murder mysteries. There's a difference between Indiana getting coshed by an unrealistic amount of bad guys (none of which come even close to beating him, despite the fact that there are 500 of them and one of him) and Phillip Durrant being stabbed in the base of the neck because he got too close to finding out who the murderer was (Ordeal by Innocence).

Or perhaps it's the lack of clever dialogue. My guess is that the script writer got brain damage halfway through production and the producers were too nice to fire him. It was awful. "That belongs in a MUSEUM!" That is the lamest catchphrase ever. I mean, I can understand if the golden cross was actually stolen from a museum, but the dudes just dug it up, for heck's sake. Who cares? And "Nazis. I hate those guys." Yeah, the hatred is kind of implied. Does anyone who paints Nazis as the bad guys genuinely like them? Of course not. Completely unnecessary.

I'm not against actions movies in general. I just have my standards. I LOVE Pirates of the Caribbean. It's clever and thrilling. (Although Orlando Bloom is the one bad casting job; his main acting abilities consist of whispering and shouting.) The Italian Job is one of my favorites because it's not just brainless explosions; it's explosions coupled with quick-witted characters.

Would anyone care to explain Indie's popularity to me? I just don't get it.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Yo en Tres

I don't normally do those lame-o tagging things, but since I have nothing of importance to write, I might as well. This one is called, "Me in Three." (or "yo en tres" for all my Spanglish amigos.) Apparently I'm supposed to list 3 joys, 3 fears, 3 goals, 3 current obsessions/collections, 3 random surprising facts about yourself.

1) Laughing (whether at clever jokes, stupid people, or my sister Brooke after 9; it makes no difference to me)
2) Sarcasm (the devil's language, but oh-so wonderful)
3) Acting! (I love performing so much that it's probably unhealthy.)

1) Failure.
2) Accidentally killing someone I love. (like running over them or not being able to donate a kidney)
3) Getting a debilitating disease that makes me a vegetable. (pull the plug, people!)

1) Going to a university on the East coast.
2) Being on Broadway at least once.
3) Getting married to a guy who's hot, smart, and socially competent and having lots of little girls.

Current obsessions/hobbies:
1) I'm currently working on my caricature/likeness skills with Sharpie and poster board. I'm getting pretty good.
2) Uglies.
3) Learning Italian.

Random (and perhaps surprising) facts about myself:
1) I don't have my appendix or tonsils.
2) My middle fingers are crooked.
3) I love looking at things. My room is plastered with posters and pictures.

If there is anything else you would like to know, please contact my secretary, Senor Cardgage, on the way out.

(Disclaimer: Senor Cardgage may or may not give a vague or nonsensical answer.)

Monday, June 9, 2008

Things I Learned on Vacation

Hello, faithful, few readers. As some of you may or may not have known, I have just spent six days in lovely southern California with five of my brothers and my parents. It was an ordeal I will not soon forget.

Being the staunch student I am (hahaha), I continually look about me for life's lessons. And here they are, in all their glory!

1) Seaweed is five hundred times heavier than it looks. You'd think coz it floats that it'd be easy to pick up and launch at unsuspecting younger brothers, wouldn't you? Oh, no. I grabbed a gob and tried strangle Jonathan, but the lad just laughed and ran away while I lugged the wad which weighed approximately the same as a baby elephant. Lesson learned: you can't commit murder with seaweed unless it's an unsuspecting sunbather and you have killer biceps.

2) There is no such thing as too much Tally Youngblood. (See my Uglies post) I reread the series on the trip and found myself using Tally-Shay vocab. (Example: The beach was really cold on the first day and when I first got in, it was exhilarating. When I got out, however, I found myself saying, "There comes a point when cold isn't bubbly anymore; just warmth-missing.")

3) It makes more sense to talk to seagulls than brothers sucked into the Gameboy zone. You can at least pretend the seagulls are listening; you know the brothers are not.

4) Taking your pants off in the ocean is lots easier than putting them back on. I had this weird rash on my legs from the salt water and my board shorts chaffing, so finally I said "To heck with modesty!" and pulled them off. When I went to get out of the water, I decided that modesty was probably a good thing and tried to put them back on. Yeah, not so easy.

5) In 'n' Out burgers are highly overrated. 'Nuff said.

6) Few things feel as good as a nice, hot 50 cent shower.
My family doesn't believe that the trashy parking-lot-campground-wannabe showers actually cranked out anything more than lukewarm water, but I always got the steaming variety. Mmmm.... so good...

7) Wal-Mart does indeed sell modest swimwear...even in California.

8) Sand has the nasty habit of getting into everything, kind of like a toddler.
Only it's more annoying. And gross. But at least sand won't pull your pots and pans out of the cupboard.

Well, it's time to go sleep in an actual bed instead of a too-short seat in the family ghetto bus. Woot woot! I am livin' large!

Sunday, June 1, 2008

The Follow-Up Story

(This is Bel Canto. We are wearing awesome dresses with tags that say "Trashy Diva.")

As you all probably know, I am not dead. Huzzah! Mrs. Steinmann was okay with the whole thing; in fact, she told me that she was glad I hadn't told her beforehand because she would've said no and the audience wouldn't have liked "Big Spender" as much. I poked my head in her office after school and said, "Can we still be friends and will you sign my yearbook?" She wrote:

"I'm so so so so a million times happy that you joined choir. Plus I really like you as a person. Just consider how harmful smoking is to your health. -Frau Steinmann"

Hee hee. I'm glad she's not one of those super uptight teachers. Those can be such a drag.

Blech. Speaking of drags (and, no, I don't meant the cigarette variety), school is officially out and I could not possibly be any more depressed. I mean, look at these people! They're crazy! A perfect fit!

Awww, I love these guys. I guess I'll just have to go cruising with them or something...

PS- Feast and Ball stuff is coming; I just have to get pictures from various sources.